


To All My Friends

by aesthetic_boy



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Frerard, High School AU, M/M, Middle School AU, Slow Build, josh is popular af, non-binary mikey way, other minor characters too - Freeform, part of it is in middle school anyway, school au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-01-19 03:56:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 19,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12402465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesthetic_boy/pseuds/aesthetic_boy
Summary: “It’s just a friend thing”Gerard and Frank have been best friends since they were four. So when they fall for each other, it’s never going to be easy, is it?[Warnings: depression, self-harm, alcohol abuse, underage drinking][currently under editing]





	1. With Friends Like You

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title: “The Light Behind Your Eyes”, My Chemical Romance  
> Another fic with the same characters: [You Were The First To Listen](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14769756/chapters/34157349)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title song: "The Dark Side of Your Room", All Time Low

_Pre-k_  
_Gerard_ “Hey.”  
Gerard was sitting on a bench in the schoolyard by himself, like he had done for the past two weeks. He was sitting here because he didn’t want to talk to any of the other kids, so he just glared at the other boy. Maybe he’d go away then.  
But instead he came and sat next to Gerard. “I said, hey.”  
Gerard made himself look at the boy. He had dark brown hair, cropped short, that he kept pushing away from his face. His hands were pushed into the pockets of jeans that looked too big for him. When he noticed Gerard watching, he pulled his hands out and folded them across his body defensively.  
“You’re new,” Gerard said. His annoyance had been replaced with some form of curiosity.  
“Yeah. I moved from, uh-“ the boy paused, like he was trying to remember, “-New Jersey. That’s it.” He nodded to himself, unfolding his arms and starting to swing them by his sides instead. “What’s your name?”  
“Gerard.” Gerard tipped his head back so he was staring at the sky, which was a dark gray. It was probably going to rain. _Stupid sky and stupid school making us go outside and stupid teachers and stupid-_  
“I’m Frank.” Gerard almost jumped- he’d forgotten about the other boy sitting next to him.  
They sat in silence for a few minutes- or almost silence, as Frank kept humming under his breath. It would have irritated Gerard if Frank was any of the other kids. For some reason, though, the fact that it was Frank made it okay. He wanted to ask what song it was, but he was scared it would seem weird. And he didn't want to seem weird, because then Frank would go away and this was his only chance of making a friend that wasn't his little brother.  
“D’you wanna go play?” Frank asked him.  
Gerard shook his head. “No. Don’t like the others. ‘S why I’m here,” he added, in case Frank didn’t already know. The other boys shouted and threw stuff at each other and shouted at Gerard that he was fat when all he wanted to do was read comics.  
“Please?”  
“No. Go yourself.”  
“I don’t want to. Please, Gee,” Frank said, pulling on his arm.  
“That’s not my name, don’t call me that,” Gerard told him.  
“Okay, _Gee_ ,” Frank said. He waited for a second before grinning at him.  
“Shut up, Frankie.” Gerard was smiling as well now, unable to help it.  
Frank stared at Gerard for a second, and he wondered if he’d done something wrong. Then Frank burst out laughing. “That’s bad! You shouldn’t say that!” he said through giggles. “C’mon, let’s go play. This is boring.”  
Gerard let Frank pull him by the wrist to the main area of the schoolyard.  
***  
At the end of the day, Gerard ran over to his mom, who was waiting with his brother. Mikey was scuffing the ground with his toes, an absent expression on his face, his long blond hair falling in his eyes. He didn't seem to care, not looking up as Gerard came over.  
“Gerard, honey, how was your day?” His mom hugged him with one arm, the other being used to hold on to Mikey so he didn’t run off.  
“Fine. I got a friend, I think,” Gerard said.  
“Oh, that’s nice. What’s his name?”  
“Frank.”  
She nodded. “I was talking to his mom earlier. I think that’s her over there…”  
The next minute, they were joined by Frank and an adult who Gerard assumed was his mom- she looked a lot like him, the same hair and nose. The parents started talking about whatever it was that adults talked about, while Gerard and Frank walked a little way behind.  
At one point, Frank reached over and took Gerard’s hand, like the girls in their class did with their friends. _So I have a friend now,_ Gerard thought. _Cool._  
***  
_First grade_  
Gerard and Frank were by themselves at a corner table in the cafeteria. They had both finished eating a while ago, but the freezing December rain outside meant it wasn’t worth leaving. Gerard was holding Frank’s hand across the table as they talked, trying to make their voices heard over the general din of the chatter of the rest of the room.  
The boys sitting at the next table over had been watching them for a while now. Gerard had been trying to ignore them, but one of them shouted, “You’re gay!”  
Frank turned around. “Not!” he replied.  
One of the other boys laughed. “You’re holding hands. That’s _gay_.”  
“He’s my friend,” Frank said, but Gerard could already tell he was giving up on the argument. Realising that he probably wasn’t helping matters, Gerard pulled his hand from Frank’s. Frank looked hurt, but nodded, hugging himself around the waist instead. Gerard wanted to be the one to hug him, but he didn't think that would help.  
“Maybe they’ll leave us alone if we don’t…” Gerard trailed off. Frank hummed in agreement.  
_I don’t understand it,_ Gerard thought. _Why can the girls hold hands when we can’t?_  
When he was back home, Gerard decided to ask. “Mom, what’s gay?”  
“Gay is…” She hesitated, staring at the screen of her laptop for a few seconds before deciding on an answer. “It’s boys who like boys and girls who like girls in the same way that girls normally like boys and boys like girls. Do you get what I mean?” Gerard nodded. “Why, where did you hear it?”  
“Some boys at school said I was gay, ‘cause I was holding Frank’s hand. Mom, does that mean I’m gay?”  
His mom laughed. “No, honey, kids your age are just silly about that sort of thing. You’ll know when you’re older, it’s not a bad thing.”  
Gerard knew how to get them to stop, then.


	2. Where'd You Go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s chapter 2! For anyone confused, ao3 wouldn’t let me mark this as incomplete until I uploaded this chapter, but that’s (hopefully) fixed now. Some things I should say about this chapter: POV switches throughout the fic will be random, but it’ll overall probably be mostly Frank.  
> Also, thanks to @shootingshadow for being the proofreader of this fic! :)  
> Title song: “Memories”, Panic! at the Disco

_Frank_  
Frank remembered holding hands.  
It had been what felt like an age to the ten-year-old, back in kindergarten, before anyone had cared. Then some kids shouted at them and the next day Gerard had told him that they had to stop. He remembered Gerard's warm palm pressed against his, how Frank had squeezed his hand to reassure him when the other kids laughed behind their backs. Holding onto Gerard's hand had made him more confident. Braver.  
He missed it. They used to kiss each other on the cheek all the time, as well, but that had stopped at some point around then. They barely hugged any more, either. Frank frowned to himself. He hadn’t noticed how all their affection had slowly stopped until now.  
Gerard kicked him under the desk. _Listen in class_ , he signed. They had been learning sign language so that they could communicate in class without the teacher noticing, but Frank assumed that she had started talking about something they hadn’t done before. When Gerard turned to the front, Frank kept staring at him, noticing for the first time that Gerard was _really_ nice to look at and he made Frank feel something, he didn’t know what to call it.  
_I guess it’s a friend thing_ , Frank thought, turning to face the front of the classroom.  
***  
_Gerard_  
_I shouldn’t be nervous_ , Gerard thought to himself. Logically, there wasn’t much that starting middle school should make him anxious about. He’d lost weight, so he wouldn’t be the fat kid (and Frank had promised that he’d repeat the throwing-an-eraser-at-someone’s-head incident that had gotten him sent to the principal in fifth grade if anyone said anything rude to him again). Not very many people from their elementary school were coming here, so he didn’t have to worry about knowing anyone who wasn’t Frank. There was an adjoining high school, so he didn’t have to think about that. The worst thing was going to be not having all of his classes with Frank- this year, they only had two of their classes together. He'd have nobody to 'share' work with or talk in sign language with behind the teacher's back.  
He ran his hand through his hair. He'd dyed it black last week- he still wasn't used to the dark strands that fell in his eyes. It was his vague attempt at reinventing himself. That and the skinny jeans.  
Gerard felt Frank poking him in the arm. “Hey. Earth to Gee.”  
Gerard blinked. “Right. Sorry. Did you say something?”  
“No, you look nervous. It’s just middle school, we’ll be fine,” Frank said carelessly.  
“You’re as terrified as I am, stop acting like you aren’t.”  
“I’m trying to reassure myself as much as you,” Frank told him, bumping him with his shoulder.  
Once they were in the school, they walked together until they had to go their separate ways to their classes. Compared to their elementary school (and, Gerard assumed, compared to every elementary school) everything and everyone seemed _huge_. The large concrete building had seemed imposing enough from the outside without the hordes of people shoving their way down the halls.  
“Alright, let’s see what Naperville’s middle school system has to offer us,” Frank said after a short pause. “See you in English, I guess.”  
Frank walked away in the direction of his homeroom class and Gerard watched him go. He suddenly felt very alone.  
When he got to his class, Gerard sat in the middle row on the left side- he was hoping to be ignored at best, and this was the best way to do it.  
“Hi.” Gerard looked up. Someone was talking to him. “This seat taken?” When Gerard shook his head, the boy sat down next to him. “I’m Brendon.”  
Gerard wasn’t as good as Mikey when it came to reading people, but he could tell that Brendon had been popular at his last school. It was something about his easy confidence talking to someone that he’d never met before, how he acted like he couldn’t care less what anyone was thinking of him. Something about how he looked, as well- dark brown hair swept up with gel and a permanent half-smile. Brendon would probably be popular here, Gerard guessed. Not the sort of person that would be his friend.  
Gerard introduced himself, before going back to staring at his desk, assuming Brendon would leave him. But he didn’t. Instead, he persisted with questions about elementary school, asking if Gerard had come here with any of his friends.  
“Yeah. My best friend,” Gerard replied, internally wincing because it seemed like such a lame thing to say. Most guys didn’t have best friends.  
“Same,” Brendon said, surprising him.  
That was when Gerard decided that talking to Brendon might not be a complete waste of his time.  
***  
Gerard and Frank ended up sitting with Brendon and his friend Josh at lunch that day, and Gerard had been right- Brendon was one of those people who inevitably ended up popular, along with Josh. Gerard felt like someone was going to notice that him and Frank weren’t those sorts of people at all, but he was enjoying it. Nobody had insulted them for the entire ten minutes they’d been sitting there.  
“Gerard, stop taking my food,” Frank told him now.  
“But my lunch is nasty.”  
“Use your _manners_.”  
“You sound like my mom,” Gerard mock-sighed. “Frankie, can I have some of your lunch?” Frank handed Gerard half of his sandwich. “Thanks.”  
“Hey, uh.” Brendon paused. “Can I ask you guys a question?”  
“Shoot,” Gerard said.  
“Are you guys, like… are you dating? ‘Cause that’s cool and everything, I just…” Brendon trailed off when he saw how hard they were both trying not to laugh.  
“No!” Frank exclaimed. “And anyway, we’re in the sixth grade. Nobody _dates_.”  
“Few people do,” Josh said. “There were some couples in our class last year.” Brendon nodded in confirmation.  
“Anyway,” Gerard said, “I wouldn’t date Frank.”


	3. Painfully Numb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the warnings for this fic start to appear here, so go and check them in the main description if you haven’t already! Probably not my best bit of writing, (ironically for the content) because of some shit with my mental health.  
> Title song: “No Way Out”, As It Is

_Frank_  
Spacing out during health had become something of a regular occurrence for Frank. Since realising the class wasn't graded, he had ceased to give a shit. Frank had stopped caring about a lot of things recently, including stuff he used to think was important, but health class was one of those things that _nobody_ had any motivation to care about.  
During the twenty minutes the teacher had so far been talking at the class, Frank had read all the wall displays at least three times and had been staring out onto the back field through the window since the teacher had started playing a video. Now the lights were back on and Frank was so mindlessly bored he decided to try and listen.  
“When you are attracted to someone, you might feel nervous around them, and you might stare at them a lot…”   
Frank tried not to laugh. This class was stupid. What the teacher was saying was how he felt around Gerard, and he was Frank’s best friend.  
He went back to staring out of the window, but his brain kept working. _What I feel around Gerard._ Frank couldn’t get that thought out of his head. He was sure that he hadn’t always felt like this around him, so what was it? _Maybe I… no._ Frank pushed the idea away and spent the rest of the class doing that, because there couldn’t be any possibility of anything other than the teacher just being an idiot.  
Health was Frank’s last class of the day, and he was thankful when the bell went so he could stop thinking about everything.  
“Hey,” Gerard greeted him at his locker. “How was health?”  
“Boring, like ever.” Frank shrugged. Gerard looked at him for a second, then nodded and started talking about his science class and how everyone had managed to mess up the experiment, apart from one group.   
As they walked, Frank was hyper-aware of everything. He noticed how he was conscious of where Gerard was in relation to him. The feeling like electricity whenever they touched, even if it was Gerard elbowing him jokingly, or their arms brushing together. And whenever he laughed or smiled at something Frank had said, Frank felt butterflies in the pit of his stomach. He _knew_ what all of this was telling him, but he didn’t want to think about it. He didn't want it to mean anything, it had to be 'just friends' or everything would be turned upside down and he wouldn't know where he was any more.  
When he was home, and Gerard had gone, though, he couldn’t ignore it for any longer.  
 _I like him._  
 _Shit._  
So he was, what, gay? He'd never liked a girl before, he knew that. He'd assumed it would come with time, but the more he thought about it, the more it became clear that he could never imagine himself feeling attracted to a girl, or dating one. It seemed wrong, somehow. The only people he'd ever found himself staring at in class or feeling butterflies in his stomach around had been boys. Or, one boy.  
Frank could have coped with being gay, even liking one of his other friends (popularity was still a new concept to him, two months into the semester) but not Gerard. Gerard was his best friend, the one person who he told everything to. Feeling any form of attraction towards him was not going to work out. Gerard would never feel this way towards him.  
 _I can’t come out to him until I’ve stopped being attracted to him,_ Frank realised. He knew that if he told Gerard now, he would be curious and would ask how he knew, if it was because he liked someone, and Frank would be unable to lie to him.  
It wouldn’t be for long, anyway. He’d get over it in a few months.  
***  
Frank couldn’t remember the last time he’d left the house.  
He knew that they’d been set homework to do over break, including an English essay and some science that he hadn’t quite understood, but it all seemed so _pointless._ He hadn’t showered or gotten dressed in… probably in a few days. Remembering such random pieces of information also fell in the category of ‘useless’, as most things seemed to have. It was like the entire world had blurred, like when he was a kid and had span around until he fell over. As he gave up on trying to pick out his normal life from the blur, he was waiting to fall over.  
There was something Frank was meant to be doing today, he was sure of it, but he couldn’t remember it and he couldn’t be bothered to try. If it was important, then his parents would have come and told him about it, so it wasn’t going to affect his life or anything.  
Frank was so spaced out that he didn’t notice his phone ringing for a few seconds. He sighed and took it from his nightstand, almost dropping it onto the floor. He answered the call without checking who it was.  
“Hi.”  
“Hey,” Gerard replied, “are you sick or something?”  
“What?” Frank was pretty sure he didn’t sound that bad.  
“You were meant to be coming over.” Gerard paused. “Look, have I done something wrong? You’ve been acting so… I don’t know, different.”  
“Gee, you’ve done nothing, I would have told you.”   
Gerard’s tone changed. “Are you okay? Like, in general.”  
Frank stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out how to respond.   
“I don’t know,” he mumbled.


	4. I Got Troubled Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though all of Frank’s experiences with depression here are based off mine, I’m in no way trying to generalize a whole mental illness. But if you’re feeling how Frank is here then I’d recommend talking to someone.  
> Title song: “What a Catch, Donnie”, Fall Out Boy

_Gerard_  
There was a deafening silence that followed as Gerard searched for the right words to say. How could he respond to that? It wasn’t like Gerard had been unaware that there was something up with Frank. The way he'd been acting lately, dark circles under his eyes and   
“Frank…” Gerard said. Then he made up his mind. “I’m coming over, alright? I’ll be there in like, five minutes.” Frank didn’t reply, so Gerard assumed that he had no objections. He ended the call and ran down the stairs, barely stopping to shout to his mom that he was going to Frank’s. He knew she wouldn’t mind- she trusted Frank’s parents.  
When Gerard arrived at Frank’s house, slightly out of breath, he tried to compose himself, so Frank’s parents wouldn’t ask why he was here.  
Thankfully, the door was unlocked, and Gerard ran upstairs to Frank’s room. He couldn’t help but stare. Frank’s room was messy- not the usual level of mess, but with clothes and books strewn all over the floor, like he hadn’t left in days. The blinds were half-drawn, casting a dim light over the entire room. Frank himself was huddled up in one corner of his bed, wrapped up in his comforter up to his chin.  
Gerard sat down on the end of his bed. “Hey.”  
“Hi.” Frank paused before pushing himself into a sitting position. Gerard tried not to stare. He had deep shadows under his eyes, dark purple like bruises. His hair seemed unwashed and sweaty, sticking up in tufts, and his pajama shirt was crumpled and creased. Eyes averted from Gerard's, he mumbled, “Look, what I said was… I didn’t mean it, okay? I’m fine.”  
“Forgive me for saying, but you don’t look very fine.”  
Frank shrugged. “I’m just tired.” Tugging on his shirt collar, Frank still wouldn't meet his eyes.  
“What color is your mood, then?” It sounded like a stupid question, but to Gerard art was a better way of explaining anything than words ever were.  
“Gray.” Gerard nodded for him to continue. “Sometimes it’s lighter or darker, but it’s always gray. Everything feels like nothing, you know?” Gerard already felt concerned, but that was nothing compared to how he felt when Frank spoke again- “I don’t see the point, you know?”  
“The point of what?” Gerard asked, although he already felt like he knew.  
“Life. I think I’d be better off dead, sometimes.”  
Frank’s words felt like a punch to the gut. Gerard couldn’t understand how- why- Frank would feel like this. To Gerard, Frank was _everything_. He cared about his best friend more than anybody else. Frank had always seemed full of life, the one person who would be strong and stood up for Gerard. The fact that Frank was feeling like this seemed to him to show that there was something very wrong.  
"Is it something in particular?" Gerard asked. When his parents had separated, he'd felt awful for months afterward- angry at everyone and pushing away anyone who tried to talk to him, leaving himself as a target. He'd been four then, before Frank had moved to his school, so he hadn't had the capacity to feel nearly as bad as Frank did now. But it had been a clear trigger to his bad state.  
Frank hesitated. "I don’t know, it's like- all the stress and everything, it all hit me, and then this numbness came. And I wanted it to, because I thought it would be better than all- all that fear, all the time. I don't know if I was right, any more. I want it to stop, Gee," he added, so quietly Gerard only knew he'd said it by the movement of his lips.  
“Frank, I think-” Gerard tried to think of the words that wouldn’t make Frank defensive. “I think you need to talk to someone about this. Someone other than me, I mean.”  
“Are you telling me to go and see a shrink or something?” Frank glared at Gerard like he’d suggested torture.  
“Or your parents or something, I don’t know, I can’t help you much with this.”  
“I don’t care. I don’t want to be more of a disappointment to them than I already am.”  
Gerard didn’t know how to deal with this. “Frankie, you’re not a disappointment,” he said, aware of how pathetic his words sounded. Frank just shrugged and fixed his gaze on his knees. “You can’t live like this forever, you know.”  
Frank sighed. “Whatever. I’ll, like, tell my parents that I’m feeling a bit bad.”  
“You can’t just say that. Frank, you told me- you told me you didn’t see the point in being alive. You can’t not tell them that, they care about you.”  
“I didn’t mean it. Sort of.” His expression changed. “I don’t know what to do, Gerard, I don’t…”  
Gerard’s immediate response was to grab Frank and pull him into a hug. After a second, he could feel Frank’s arms wrapping around him, pressing his head into Gerard’s chest. They sat like that for a few minutes, Gerard stroking Frank’s hair. He was pretty sure that Frank was crying.  
Gerard pulled himself away and put his hands on Frank’s shoulders. “Look. I’ll stay here instead of you coming over. And you go shower or something. No offence, but you’re kinda gross.”  
Frank managed a wavering smile. “Yeah, okay.”  
When Frank returned from his shower, wearing sweatpants and a hoodie instead of his pajamas, Gerard made sure to smile at him. “Let’s watch shit on Netflix, okay? Nothing that requires much effort.” Frank nodded.   
Gerard wanted to say one thing that would make everything better, but he knew he couldn’t.


	5. At The Setting Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say about this chapter. (@ old readers: yes, the setting changed again to Naperville, IL because of the sequel. I swear this is the last time I'm gonna do this)  
> Title song: “Gun.”, My Chemical Romance

_Frank_  
“Hey, how are you?”  
Since the events of December, seven months ago, these words had had a hidden meaning coming from Gerard. Frank nodded. “Fine.”  
“What sort of fine?” Gerard asked.  
Frank waited a few seconds before replying. “I’m stopping my medication… my therapist said to, don’t worry,” he added, seeing Gerard’s face.  
“That’s good, then, right?”  
“Yeah. My parents are pleased. Nobody wants their twelve-year-old on antidepressants, right?”  
“They want what’s best for you,” Gerard said. “But it’s good that you can stop. Means you’re getting better.”  
Frank shrugged. Gerard seemed to be able to tell that he was uncomfortable and started talking about his science project with his lab partner, who he hated.  
Frank watched Gerard as he talked. It was hard to admit to himself, but he still- he still felt that feeling of attraction towards Gerard. A fluttering in his stomach, feeling himself blush every time Gerard looked at him- if anything, his feelings had become _more_ intense since he’d realized them, and he hated it. He didn’t understand why, out of all people, he liked Gerard- he knew everything about him that could be considered off-putting, but for some reason it wasn’t.  
Then Gerard turned and smiled at him a little, a recognition of the fact that he knew Frank had spaced out, but didn’t care- and Frank remembered all the reasons he liked him again. He cared so much about what he was talking about. He was kind and cute and a thousand romantic clichés that Frank had always considered to be above him. That wasn’t the case anymore.  
_Everyone falls for their best friend, at least a little bit,_ Frank told himself. He had no idea whether it was true or not. He hoped, for other people's sake, that it wasn’t, because this really sucked.  
Frank must have sighed, because Gerard looked at him with concern, before wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Frank tensed up, which Gerard misinterpreted as Frank not wanting touch, and pulled his hand back into his lap.  
Gerard's tone was different to last time he had spoken and Frank made an effort to listen. "Frankie."  
"Hi."  
Gerard pulled his knees up to his chest, hesitating before he spoke. “I kissed a girl. Hayley.” he added.  
Frank felt a dropping sensation in his stomach. He waited a few seconds before responding, to make sure he didn’t cry or do something equally as stupid. “How was… I mean, was it alright?” he asked.  
“Yeah, I guess.” Gerard shrugged like it was no big deal. “It wasn’t, like, amazing, but I guess that comes with time?” His voice went up at the end like a question.  
“I mean, it’s not like I’d know,” Frank replied. Gerard laughed. Then he processed what Gerard had said. “Wait, are you and Hayley a thing, then?”  
“I think so… she asked me to go over to hers after school on Monday.”  
Frank’s heart felt like it was being twisted. Externally, he tried to compose himself, even though he wanted to start screaming.  
"Right, okay." Frank nodded.  
"You seem surprised, do I take offence?" Gerard asked, smiling to let Frank know he was joking.  
"No, just… it's weird, you know? Like, we're popular now. It's not what I'm used to."  
Gerard nodded. "I get you. Everyone hated us in elementary, now people actually want to talk to us. Crazy, huh?" Frank laughed.  
When Frank was walking back from Gerard's, he stopped for a minute to stare at the setting sun. Even for July, it was warm- Frank didn't feel the heat much, but he still regretted wearing jeans.  
Every day he spent with these _feelings_ for Gerard hurt, but today had confirmed that Gerard would never like him back. Frank would have to get used to this. For the thousandth time, he wished that it had been any other guy- then he could at least tell Gerard, have him tease him a little, instead of dodging the question whenever Gerard tried to ask him if he liked anyone. It had been a while since Gerard had asked him that- he'd probably given up.  
_This will be over in a few months. I'm sure._


	6. More Than You Bargained For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shortness of this chapter, but... mental health stuff I'm not going to go into. This chapter contains some references to feeling pressured into sex- it’s no scenes of it or anything, which is why it’s not on the main warnings list, but I thought I’d mention it here.  
> Title song: "Sugar, We're Goin' Down", Fall Out Boy

_Frank_  
_8th grade_  
It was midnight and Frank was awake.  
His parents had trusted him enough to leave him home alone for the night while they drove across the state to see one of his distant relatives in hospital. So, of course, when Brendon had asked if he could stay over after going to a high-school party, he had said yes.  
The party in question was being hosted by a junior and his brother, who was Frank’s age, had invited about half of the grade. Frank doubted that his brother would be pleased. Added to that the fact that Gerard was away for the weekend, so couldn’t come with him, meant that Frank had decided to not go. Josh also couldn’t go, so Brendon had gone by himself.  
_This is going to become a thing,_ Frank realised, _Going to parties and sneaking around._ It wasn’t like he was dreading it- he was excited to start high school, even though he knew it would be a hellhole- it was the impending reality of being older that was terrifying. It seemed such a short time ago that he’d started middle school with Gerard, unpopular and awkward, and now he was a few months from graduating. His popularity had changed- the awkwardness hadn’t. And the fact that Gerard was still his best friend.  
It had been over two years since Frank had realised that he liked Gerard. Two years was a long time, or so it seemed. Crushes weren’t meant to drag on for this long, were they? He would ask Mikey- despite having no friends in his grade and saying that he didn’t feel attraction, he had the best advice when it came to dealing with people- but he was so good at reading people that he’d be able to tell why Frank was asking. Did he already know how Frank felt about his brother? It was likely. Mikey had worked out less obvious things.  
A knock at the door brought Frank back to reality. _Who the fuck…_ he thought, before remembering. Brendon. When he had forced himself downstairs, he opened the door to Brendon, who reeked of beer, smoke and something sweet that Frank couldn’t place. Perfume?  
“Hey.” Brendon smiled, but something seemed off. Probably drunk, Frank guessed.  
Frank sighed. “Hi.”  
“I swear I’m not _that_ drunk. Like, I am a bit. But not that much.”  
“Sure,” Frank said, moving to one side to let Brendon in.  
Back in Frank’s room, and Frank was wondering whether it was the alcohol that was making Brendon act differently. Frank hadn’t been around a drunk person before, but with the small amount of alcohol Brendon insisted that he’d had, he would be acting a lot livelier. Instead, he’d spoken about ten words to Frank since he’d come in and was now staring at the wall, sat on the pile of blankets that was Gerard’s whenever he stayed over.  
“Brendon?” Brendon glanced up. After a few seconds of trying to find the right words, Frank opted for, “You okay?”  
Brendon paused. “Yeah.” Frank looked at him. “I, ah… I slept with a girl.”  
Frank had no idea how to respond. “That’s bad?” he tried, cringing at how bad the words sounded.  
“I guess it shouldn’t be, just... I can’t even remember her name right now. I didn’t really want it to happen like this, but guys don’t say no, right? Its’s not…” Brendon lost his train of thought for a second. “Not what we’re meant to do. And it wasn’t bad, or anything,” he added.  
“Maybe try and ignore that it happened, in that case,” Frank offered, aware of how bad his advice was.  
Brendon hummed in what seemed like agreement, but he looked defeated. Frank had regular realisations of how bad a friend he was sure he was, and this was one of them.  
“Can we sleep now?”  
“Yeah.” Frank would always be closest to Gerard, he knew that, but that didn’t stop him wanting to do anything to help. But he couldn’t. “Yeah, okay.”


	7. I’m Not Just Drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure how frequently I’ll be able to update over the next few weeks, but if I don’t upload before- happy Christmas to everyone who celebrates! :)  
> Title song: “Run Dry (X Heart X Fingers”, Patrick Stump

_Frank_

It was the start of summer vacation. Frank was leaving for New York with his parents the next day, so he was staying at Gerard’s for the night. A week may not have been very long in reality, but in the summer, when they lived at each other’s houses, it seemed like it was.

“I don’t wanna go,” Frank complained. Gerard laughed.

“You sound like a five-year-old.”

“You look like a five-year-old.”

“You’re the same height as a five-year-old,” Gerard retorted. Frank punched him in the arm. “You’re such a bitch!”

Frank shrugged. “Shall we watch a movie or something?” he asked, collapsing on the couch. Gerard sat down next to him. “Fuck, I’m so tired.”

Half-way through the movie, Frank found himself unable to stop glancing over at Gerard. Perhaps his judgement was skewed because of how late it had gotten, but he figured that it couldn’t be any harm if he moved a little closer. When Gerard didn’t react, Frank rested his head on his shoulder, ignoring the flutter in his stomach.

“You good?” Gerard asked.

“Mm.”

***

A few hours later, when Frank woke up, he felt confused at first. It took him a second to realise that he must have fallen asleep on the couch and Gerard had left him down here, rather than waking him up. He’d left Frank a blanket, though. As Frank pulled it up to his chin, he recognised the feel of the fabric, and- _oh_. It was Gerard’s comforter. So Gerard… Frank stared into the dark. He could make out a shape on the floor, hear breaths that weren’t his own. Gerard had decided to sleep down with him.

 _I love him_ , Frank realised. He hadn’t noticed it happening, but at some point this had gone from a little crush to full-blown attraction to- to _this_.

 _Well, this complicates things_.

***

_Gerard_

The only passable explanation Gerard could give for what he was going to do was boredom.

Frank was out of the state, Brendon and Josh were hanging out with some people Gerard didn’t like, and Mikey hadn’t left his room in two days.

There was nothing for him to do except wait around until his mom got home from work and then try and get some money from her to go and waste in Starbucks.

So, really, this was a much better plan.

Gerard was going to get drunk.

He’d never so much as tried alcohol before- he knew Brendon and Josh had, and Frank’s parents had let him try champagne once- so if he was going to drink for the first time, he was going to do it properly.

Downstairs, Gerard took a few bottles of beer, before running back up to his room. It was about 11 a.m., so he had almost seven hours until his mom got back, but he couldn’t help feeling a spike of nervousness.

Gerard sat on his floor, leaning back against his bed. He opened the first bottle and took a cautious sip. It tasted disgusting, but he took a proper swig.

As he drank, Gerard began to enjoy himself, even though he wasn’t doing anything. He’d been so stressed. Stressed and upset for no reason. He wasn’t feeling anxious now, though- in fact, this was the most relaxed he’d felt in a long time. The beer didn’t taste so bad any more, either. He understood the hype about the whole alcohol thing now. His brain was a lot quieter. Everything seemed softer.

The light creeping in around his half-open door made Gerard remember that he wasn’t alone in this house and he pushed himself up to go and close the door ( _since when was walking in a straight line so hard?_ ), hitting his thigh on his desk as he returned to his spot on the floor. Instead of feeling pain like he knew he should, Gerard laughed out loud. The sound cut through the stifled silence.

“Gerard? You alright?” Mikey shouted from his room.

“Yeah, yeah. Good,” Gerard called back, still giggling.

 _Well_ , he decided. _This is pretty good. If I’m drunk, then this is fun. I don’t get the problem all the adults seem to have with it._

One more couldn’t hurt.


	8. If You Can Bleed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! This chapter is a bit early because I'm going to London at the weekend, so I started it early so I could upload this week.  
> Title song: "The Kids From Yesterday", My Chemical Romance

_Frank_

Frank was worried for his friends.  
More specifically, he was worried about Brendon and Gerard. It had been three months since the school year had started and things seemed to be spiralling out of control.  
Frank knew that since what had happened at the party in May, Brendon had gained some sort of a reputation for hooking up with girls (there were some rumours about guys, as well, but Frank dismissed them). He wouldn’t have cared- who his friends liked or kissed or fucked was none of his business- but Brendon had seemed so bothered about sleeping with a random girl that his behaviour seemed like it might not be what he wanted. But Frank didn’t feel comfortable asking him, hoping that Brendon might talk to Josh about it, seeing as they’d known each other for longer.  
However, Frank felt more concerned for Gerard, for several reasons. One of the reasons was because Gerard got drunk. A lot. At first, it had been funny- when he was tipsy, Gerard was funny, talkative and cared less about personal space (which Frank wasn’t complaining about). It was when that began happening _every_ time they went out, or when Gerard got so drunk that he became quiet and downcast, that it started to seem like something worse.  
It was the ‘sad drunk’ Gerard that worried Frank the most. Looking back on it, Frank worried that his depression in middle school seemed a lot like how Gerard acted at these times. _Maybe it’s just how Gerard is when he’s drunk,_ Frank thought. Even so, from seeing a lot of drunk people at both house parties and smaller gatherings over the past few months, Frank knew that alcohol revealed the truth more often than people would like. He didn’t want it to be Gerard’s truth.  
Right now, though, was one of those times Frank recognised the likeliness of it. Gerard hadn’t spoken the entire walk home and seemed to have spaced out from their surroundings. He was leaning on Frank for balance, but still stumbled as he walked, grabbing onto Frank’s wrist to keep himself from falling. Ignoring the rush of excitement from the contact, Frank leaned past him to open the gate.  
“You’re staying tonight?” Gerard asked, words slurred.  
“Yeah.”  
Gerard nodded and fumbled in his pocket for his keys.  
When they got upstairs, Frank took his pajamas from his bag and headed down the hall to get changed. He didn’t notice any change in the atmosphere as he came out until he saw Mikey.  
Mikey didn’t tend to show his emotions, but they were clear at this moment. He looked terrified. Terrified and sick. He covered his mouth and turned away from where he was looking, catching Frank’s eye. Frank was about to ask what he had seen before it clicked where Mikey had been looking.  
Gerard’s room.  
_Fuck._  
Frank pushed Mikey aside, scared for what he was going to see. However prepared his worries and concern had made him for something being wrong with Gerard, it wasn’t prepared enough.  
Gerard was sitting in a t-shirt and rolled-up pajama pants, with his legs stretched out in front of him. His thighs… Frank felt his stomach twist. He had open cuts on his thighs, bleeding, with a multitude of healing cuts and bright pink scars surrounding them.  
“Gerard.” Frank broke the heavy silence. Gerard looked up, and there was something like guilt in his eyes. Frank crossed the room so that he was standing next to the bed. “Give it to me,” Frank said, holding out his hand. “Gerard, give me the razor.” After a pause, Gerard dropped it into Frank’s open palm. “Do you have any others?”  
Gerard pointed to the notebook at the end of his bed. Holding it by the front cover, Frank shook the notebook. Three more razors fell out. “That’s all?” He asked. Gerard nodded once.  
Once Frank had thrown the razors away in the bathroom, he stared down the hall, wondering what to do now. All logic seemed to have left him; he couldn’t believe that this was real, rather than some fucked-up nightmare.  
“You should get him to clean them.” Frank jumped. Mikey was standing in the doorway, his usual emotionless expression back in place. Frank nodded.  
Back in Gerard’s room, Frank could tell by the way Gerard looked at him that he would have to do it himself. The cuts were too large to be covered by any of the band-aids that had been in the medical chest, so Frank just cleaned them as best he could with alcohol wipes. Thankfully, they had stopped bleeding, Frank noted with a sense of relief.  
He sat down at the end of Gerard’s bed. “Look, Gerard…” Frank tried to work out the right thing to say. “You need to talk to someone about this. I don’t know how to help you, I can’t.”  
“No.” Gerard made eye contact with Frank for the first time since they’d gotten home.  
“But- fuck, we’ll talk about this in the morning. This isn’t going to work while you’re drunk.” Frank was expecting Gerard to argue, but instead he sighed and crawled under his comforter, pulling it over his face.  
What the fuck was he meant to do now?


	9. Something's Wrong With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next awful chapter is here!  
> Title song: "I'm A Mess", Frank Iero and the Patience

_Frank_  
When Frank awoke the next morning, it took him a few seconds of staring into the dark before he remembered what had happened last night. He pressed his palms over his eyes so hard that he could see coloured spots. Frank still found it hard to process- that Gerard would do that to himself, for (from what Frank had seen by the scars) a substantial amount of time. Holding onto the edge of Gerard’s bed, Frank pulled himself up from his spot on the floor and looked over his best friend’s sleeping form. Gerard’s eyebrows were pulled together in a frown, comforter pulled up over his chin. He was asleep.  
Frank crept out of the room and retrieved two aspirins from the bathroom cabinet for Gerard. Back in Gerard’s room, he still hadn’t woken up, so Frank left the pills next to the glass of water on his nightstand and turned on his phone to check Tumblr.   
After around ten minutes, Frank heard Gerard wake up, swearing about how much his head hurt. Frank directed him to the aspirins, earning himself a sleepy ‘thanks’. He gave it a few minutes before getting up again and sitting on the end of Gerard’s bed. “Gee?”  
“What?”  
“We need to talk. About last night,” Frank clarified. Gerard’s expression closed off.  
“Can’t we forget it ever happened?”  
Frank stared at him. “Are you fucking joking? I can’t pretend I never saw _that_. I knew there was something up, but nothing that bad…”  
Silence took over for a few seconds as they both searched for something to say. Finally, Gerard replied with a quiet, "I have it under control."  
"Look, Gerard, I know it's hard to admit, but no part of that said 'under control' to me."  
Gerard sighed like Frank was being stupid. "It's not as bad as you think. The self-harm-" his voice lowered a little, "-it's not that big of a deal. And the drinking-"  
Frank cut him off. "When did I say anything about drinking?" he asked. "What aren't you telling me?"  
"Nothing. I just know you don't like how drunk I get sometimes," Gerard said, but he wouldn't meet Frank's eyes. Frank could feel a twisting sensation in his chest because he _knew_ that there was even more to this than he'd first thought. And he had no idea how to deal with it.  
"Tell me how it's under control, then."  
"Okay, maybe everything isn't completely under control. But I hurt myself when I'm drunk, so if I drink a bit less then it'll be fine." Gerard looked as convinced by his words as Frank felt.  
"I saw your scars. We haven’t been out that many times. Please, Gerard, tell me the truth." Frank wasn’t expecting him to, watching how he twisted his hands in his lap. _The drinking._ It kept going round his head. He had been right to have been worried, but if Gerard didn’t tell him-  
"I… I don't just drink when I'm out with you," he whispered, looking like he was about to cry. Frank leaned over and pulled him into a hug.  
As Gerard buried his face into Frank's shoulder, Frank asked him, "When?" Gerard didn't reply, shaking his head. "Gee. I want to help."  
"Okay,” Gerard mumbled.  
“Okay what?”  
“I’ll- I’ll tell my mom. When you’ve gone. Can we please stop talking about it?”   
Frank was ready to object, but Gerard pushed himself off Frank’s chest and Frank could see his tear-stained cheeks. _Gerard was crying?_ The last time Frank could remember seeing Gerard cry had been in grade school. So he said, “Promise?”  
“Promise,” Gerard replied, his voice cracking. Frank pulled him into another hug. Resting his face in Gerard’s hair, he reflected on how this was a reversal of how things had been- Gerard helping Frank through everything, through the depression that was always on the verge of returning.  
And through it all, Frank despised himself for the butterflies in his stomach from all the places they were touching.  
***  
 _Gerard_  
Two hours after Frank had left, and Gerard was still staring at his bedroom ceiling, no closer to going downstairs to talk with his mom. _I promised Frank._   
That didn’t make it any easier.  
It felt like someone else was making him get up and walk down to the stairs. Into the living room where his mom was sitting, watching the news. She looked up.  
“I’m about to start dinner, you can’t have anything to eat- oh.” Gerard saw her notice the way he was holding onto the doorframe, knuckles white. “Are you okay?”  
He could taste blood in his mouth, and he realised that he was biting his lip. “Mom.”  
“What is it? Honey, I’m worried…”  
Gerard swallowed. _Shit._ He closed his eyes as he let the words fall from his mouth. “I need help.”


	10. But the Alcohol Never Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter, ft. character development for Mikey. I've been sick for a week now so this is probably bad. At least we got MANIA last Friday, though! :D  
> Title song: "Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea", Fall Out Boy

_Gerard_

It was fucking difficult.  
There had been the idea in the back of Gerard’s mind that going to therapy would be _it_. That it might be hard to stop drinking, but that once he’d done it, it would be over. But, as his therapist informed him in their first session, that wasn’t going to happen. “You can’t ‘leave it’ in your past because your past stays with you,” she told him, Gerard feeling the same sinking sensation he had in the middle of talking to Frank on _that morning_. He couldn’t drink alcohol again, in case he slipped back into the patterns he was trying to escape, or do any other drug, because he was more likely to wind up addicted. _I’m fifteen and I’ve fucked my life up,_ he realised.  
The first thing he had to get rid of was the drinking. Until he tried to stop, he hadn’t realised how much he drank- it had built up without him noticing. A cap of vodka in the morning before he went to school, another cap and maybe half a bottle of beer when he got home, sipping from various bottles from after dinner until he went to sleep… some days he wouldn’t, but it had become more often than not. The physical withdrawal didn’t affect him too much, but psychologically? That was a different matter. So, he spent every minute he was home lying on his bed, staring at the wall, trying his best to not give in and get himself something to drink. He copied homework from his friends because he felt so shitty he couldn’t bring himself to do it himself.  
As well as this, he had to isolate himself- no more going to parties at the weekend, or meeting up with acquaintances. The temptation to drink in those situations was too much. The only times he left the house were to go to Frank’s- Brendon and Josh knew he was stopping drinking, but not why. He didn’t know if they would understand and didn’t want to take the risk.  
One thing he’d not thought about was stopping the cutting. He’d assumed that it would stop with the drinking, like it had started. But now, two weeks clean, he was feeling the temptation. The craving for pain, for seeing the bright-red blood. It always hit him when he wasn't expecting it. He'd tried various distractions and drawing on himself with a red fineliner. All that had done was leave his arms covered in red swirls and flowers, without making him feel any better. _At least it's pretty,_ , he thought. He glanced up to see Mikey watching him as he walked down the hall to his room.  
Gerard assumed that he wouldn’t care what he was doing, but a few seconds later he came back, threw something at Gerard and walked back off. All without saying a word.  
Gerard picked the object up to inspect it. An elastic band. He was confused for a moment, before he remembered something he’d seen online about snapping an elastic band as a coping mechanism. A coping mechanism for self-harm.  
_He knows._ Gerard felt his stomach twist. This was the only secret he’d ever kept from his little brother, and in his mind it had been for good reason- he didn’t want Mikey freaking out. But now he knew, Gerard felt guilty. How he’d found out wasn’t a massive concern.  
After a few hours had passed, Gerard sitting on his bed snapping the band against his wrist, there was a knock at his bedroom door. “Come in,” he called out. Mikey opened the door. His face didn’t normally show much emotion, but right now he looked nervous. This was not a good sign. “What’s up?”  
“Well.” Mikey pulled the sleeves of his sweater down his arms. “Gee, there’s something I gotta tell you.”  
“Go ahead.” Gerard restrained himself from asking, _Are you okay?_. It was never useful.  
“There’s this…” he took in a breath and blew it out, closing his eyes. “I’m nonbinary. Like, I’m not male or female. And I’d prefer it if you used neutral language when you were speaking about me, like…”  
“Like they pronouns?” Gerard offered, sensing that Mikey wasn’t going to finish their sentence.  
They nodded. “Yeah. ‘Sibling’ instead of ‘brother’, that sort of thing.”  
“Okay. Cool.”  
Mikey laughed. “Cool? Guess I got worked up over nothing.”  
“You did. Have you told Frank?” Gerard asked.  
“No, I’m gonna text him.”  
Gerard stood up and pulled them into an awkward hug. Mikey laughed, and Gerard realised that they were taller than him. _When the fuck did that happen?_  
“I’ll go do that, then. And, Gerard-“ Mikey looked him in the eye, “-look after yourself, alright?”


	11. I Fell For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd recommend listening to the title song while reading this chapter... it's where the idea came from :)  
> Title song: "Fell For You", Green Day

_Gerard_  
This was not how Gerard had been expecting to spend New Year’s Eve back in September. Because he still wasn’t going to parties, he was staying home, and had expected to be watching trash movies with Mikey all night. But Frank had offered to stay with him, prompting Josh to say that ‘it’s not New Year’s without your best friends’, resulting in him and Brendon skipping the party they were meant to be at to come over to Gerard’s. It surprised him a little- he’d made it clear that there would be no drinking, or anyone other than them. After knowing them for two years, it shouldn’t have, and he felt a little bad.  
They were sitting together in the living room- him and Frank on the couch and Brendon, Josh and Mikey on various chairs around the room. The conversation had trailed off when Frank asked, “Brendon, who is it in science?”  
Brendon’s head shot up. “What?”  
“You like someone. In our science class. Who is it?” Frank grinned.  
“What’s her name?” Mikey asked. Brendon hesitated, frowning. “So, it’s a boy, then.”  
“That was fucking sneaky!” Frank said, laughing.  
Brendon shook his head. “I forgot about your psychic ass shit.”  
“I’m not psychic, you’re all too easy to read. Tell us.”  
Looking away, Brendon shook his head again. It was hard to tell, but Gerard thought he was blushing a little. Gerard had never seen him blush before- _he’s fallen_ hard.  
“I’m sure I can get a list of all the guys in your science class from someone,” Josh mused, cocking his head to the side and smirking at Brendon, who put his head in his arms, mumbling something. “What?”  
“I said, it’s Ryan Ross, now please shut up.”  
Gerard had no idea who that was, which evidently showed on his face as Frank gave him a quick description. “ _Oh_ , he’s in my art class,” he said, remembering how much he had stood out on the first day. Since then, he seemed to have mastered the art of blending in, apart from the fact that he was one of the best artists in the class.  
“So are you gay, or…” Frank trailed off, looking at Brendon.  
“Bi. Man, I wouldn’t have kissed that many girls if I was gay,” Brendon said. “But for real, he’s… he’s cute, I guess. I know he’s not what you guys think is my type or whatever, but that’s why I like him.” Frank nodded and smiled.  
Mikey looked at their watch. “On that note, happy New Year’s… now,” they announced. Gerard leaned across the couch and hugged Frank, who squeezed him back. Josh said something that Gerard couldn’t quite hear with his face pressed into Frank’s hair, and Brendon laughed.  
“Happy fucking new year, asshole,” Frank said, pulling away.  
“You too, bitch.”  
***  
Gerard was sitting with Frank on his bed. Unusually for them, it was silent. But Gerard didn’t question what he wanted as he stared at his best friend. What felt like a need. So he leaned in and kissed Frank. And it was fucking perfect, as Frank kissed him back, wrapping his arms around Gerard’s shoulders, pulling him closer.  
Then he was gone, pushing Gerard away. “Sorry.” Gerard was about to ask, _what the fuck?_ , when he woke up.  
He stared into the gloom, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. The clock on his nightstand read 2:32 am. What had just happened? He’d had dreams about Frank before, but nothing like _that_. He’d never thought about the other dreams before- acknowledged them, but never considered the fact that Frank invaded his subconscious to mean anything. It was nothing. Or it had been.  
The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like something. Random dreams of waking up next to Frank, or even of lingering touch- he was trying to ignore the conclusion he could arrive at. There was no way that could be a reality. Frank was his best friend.  
“Gee? You ‘kay?” Frank mumbled. Gerard hadn’t realised that he’d sat up.  
“I’m fine. Go back to sleep.” Frank hummed in response and Gerard watched him curl back up under his blankets. After a few minutes, his breathing slowed, and Gerard let himself think again.  
If there was only one conclusion he could think of, then it must be the correct one. That was one life lesson he’d learned from school. It wasn’t what he wanted to think. He shouldn’t-  
_I’m in love with Frank_.  
He was going to have some trouble getting back to sleep tonight.


	12. Where Did the Party Go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My moods have been all over the place this week, so this is probably a mess. Enjoy the mild angst.  
> Title song: "Where Did The Party Go", Fall Out Boy

_Gerard_

When Frank had left the next morning, Gerard let the emotional crisis which had been inevitable since last night take hold.  
_Shit!_  
Gerard had considered himself to be straight, simply because he’d never even considered that he wouldn’t be. Being gay wasn’t something you learned about at school- everyone knew gay people existed, but it was something for other people, for adults. Not for him.  
His first thought was that he could be bisexual. He’d dated girls before- and kissed them. If he was gay, then surely he would have noticed that something was wrong. There would have been some nagging voice of doubt. Instead, it had always been… fine. Nothing special, but he’d assumed that had been because he was young.  
What he felt for Frank, though… it was nothing like how he’d considered being attracted to girls before. He’d become hyper-aware of it the last few hours Frank had been at his house- all the indications of attraction that he had assumed were bullshit were _there_. Thinking back, he could trace these feelings back a long way- hell, all the way back to elementary school. _How was I so blind?_  
If he was gay, that meant he’d been lying to himself about liking girls all this time- and, in a way, lying to every girl he’d ever gone out with. But so many things made sense because of it. Joe in the sixth grade. Staring for too long at Patrick in math class in seventh. And, of course, Frank- every random thought he’d dismissed as _that was weird_ had another meaning now. That he loved Frank.  
Gerard sighed in frustration. It could have been anyone else…  
“You good?” Mikey asked, leaning around the doorframe.  
“Fucking knock first.”  
“Your door was open. You sleep alright?”  
As soon as Gerard had replied in the affirmative, he realised by the slight smirk on Mikey’s face that they knew. They were asking on purpose so that Gerard was aware. He repressed the urge to call them on it until they had left, when Gerard muttered ‘bitch’ under his breath. That made him feel a little better, even though everything had gotten a whole lot more complicated.  
***  
_Frank_  
Being at parties without Gerard sucked, apart from the small advantage of making what he was going to do tonight a whole lot easier.  
It had been going around his head since New Year’s Eve. Brendon had mentioned the names of some of the guys in their grade that he’d hooked up with at parties. Frank had known he was gay since sixth grade but had never kissed a boy. Simple math.  
Frank didn’t know any of them, with the exception of one- Tyler Joseph- who he’d talked to a few times. He was on the varsity basketball team and mainly hung around with people more unpopular than him. That was all he knew about him- still, it didn’t matter.  
Tyler was easy to find, standing in a corner by himself and staring at the ceiling. He smiled at Frank when he came over. “Hey.”  
Conversation flowed surprisingly smoothly. Frank decided to not try to hide his intentions- he could be an obnoxious flirt, though not with Gerard. Thankfully, Tyler seemed to catch on, smiling and touching Frank’s arm as he spoke. When he asked Frank if he wanted to ‘go upstairs’, he had no doubt about what that meant. Nobody noticed Tyler pulling him into a spare bedroom by his wrist and closing the door behind him.  
Frank stared at him for a second, before remembering what he was here to do.  
He leaned in and kissed Tyler.  
There was no chemistry between them, he’d known that from the start, but there was something about this that felt so much better than kissing a girl. It was the _something_ that made Frank pull him closer, open his mouth. He pushed Tyler against the wall, knowing that it wouldn’t go further than this, anyway. So, he might as well enjoy the time he had.  
After a while, Frank pulled away and looked at Tyler for a second. He’d thought that the first boy he’d ever kissed would be someone who he was attracted to. That had been worth it, though. Three years of pretty much repressing his sexuality made it worth it.  
“None of this happened,” Tyler told him before he got a chance to.  
“Right,” Frank agreed. “You won’t tell any of your friends, or anything?”  
Tyler laughed. “Hell no. I’m out to them, but that’s all they’re finding out.”  
Frank nodded. “See you Monday,” he said, leaving the room.


	13. I'll Always Paint You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter reads a bit weirdly, but it's sort of closure on some things. This fic is nowhere near done yet, though :)  
> Title song: "Golden Days", Panic! At The Disco

_Gerard_

Gerard wasn’t doing the right thing when it came to dealing with his feelings about Frank. Instead of minimising the time they spent with each other, he was talking to Frank as much as he could and attempting to flirt with him on occasion. Not lots, but enough so that he wasn’t ignoring his feelings how he’d been planning to.  
Today, he’d forgotten that Frank was coming over, so he had papers and sketchbooks everywhere and paint all over his hands. There was watercolour on his French homework, he noticed. Oh well. He could redo it when Frank had gone.  
“Can I?” Frank indicated an open sketchbook on the corner of Gerard’s desk. Gerard shrugged. He was pretty sure that he didn’t have anything bad in that one. Frank opened it and started thumbing through the pages, pausing to look longer at some of the drawings. When he was about half-way through, he stopped, frowning, and looked at up at Gerard.  
“What is it?” Gerard moved to stand behind Frank. _Oh._ It was the page full of drawings of Frank- all done from memory, or using photos from his phone. He hadn’t asked Frank’s permission to do any of these, which he normally did. “Sorry, I-“  
“It’s fine, Gee. They’re good,” murmured Frank. “Want me to sit for you? I haven’t in a while.”  
“That would be useful, yeah,” Gerard replied, relieved that the drawings hadn’t seemed as weird as he thought they would have. “So if you sit here…” Gerard pointed at the end of his bed, where Frank sat down, folding his legs. Gerard positioned himself opposite and started to instruct Frank exactly how to sit. After five minutes or so, Frank was positioned how Gerard wanted. “Your hair-“ Gerard couldn’t stop himself from smiling.  
“What?” Frank started to reach to flatten it and Gerard glared at him.  
“Don’t you dare to fucking move. I’ll do it.” He reached forward and ran his fingers through Frank’s hair. He took more time over it than he should have, brushing the strands out of his best friend’s eyes. It had been months since Frank last got his hair cut and it was adorable, always sticking up.  
Gerard sat down and started to draw. At first, they talked a little, but the conversation died down as Gerard focused on his drawing and let his mind wander. Frank didn’t restart the conversation, so Gerard ended up voicing his thoughts.  
“I’m four months clean now. Alcohol and cutting. And it’s been difficult. More difficult than I anticipated, I- maybe I thought it would be easy.” Frank nodded for him to continue, before remembering he wasn’t meant to move and smiling in apology.  
“It’s like…” Gerard hesitated. “I assumed one was the cause of the other. But they weren’t. It was all- I don’t know how to put it.” He gestured with his free hand, almost hitting Frank with his pencil. “Sorry.”  
“It’s fine. Keep talking, if you want.”  
“They had the same cause. Drinking and cutting, they were both _something_. You know how I’m a massive introvert, all this social stuff is difficult for me. So the fact that I had something that wasn’t depending on you felt good. I felt like it was me able to talk to people without trying, feel confident. Everything. It wasn’t. I’m always going to be the loser who reads comic books instead of going outside.”  
“You aren’t a loser,” Frank told him. “But I get what you mean, about wanting something. And the cutting? What did you want from that? If you want to say, I mean,” he added.  
Gerard started to draw again so he didn’t have to meet Frank’s eyes as he talked. “I wanted something that would make it all go away. All the stress and sadness. The way some people talk about it, they make it seem like a quick fix. It wasn’t. A mistake, that’s all it was.”  
Frank nodded. “I get you. I always wanted it to be easy, for there to be one day when I’d wake up and not be depressed any more. But it’s going to follow me for the rest of my life, I guess. I’m doing as well as I can, though.”  
Reaching out and putting his hand on Frank’s thigh, Gerard said, “You’re doing great. Really.” Frank blushed a little, and Gerard realised that he was staring.  
In that moment, he was going to kiss Frank. The part of him that told him to _just do it_ had won for a second. Frank was looking straight back at him, lips parted, and he didn’t look like he was going to protest.  
The realisation kicked in of what he was about to do. Gerard broke the eye contact and moved his hand. He wasn’t that stupid. Whatever he’d thought that he’d felt between them hadn’t been there. Wishful thinking. He picked his sketchbook up from his lap and continued to draw Frank. Focusing on his mouth, this time.  
Neither of them mentioned what had happened. Or hadn’t.


	14. It Was the Fourth of July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear it'll happen soon  
> Title song: "Fourth of July", Fall Out Boy

_Gerard_  
“I can’t believe we’ve done a whole year of high school,” Frank commented.  
“Yeah. It was shit,” Gerard responded. Frank sighed.   
“I think this year it’s hit me how much has changed. We’ve gone from getting yelled at for holding hands to being fucking _popular_. It’s weird.”  
“And I still don’t get that. All the girls can hold hands with their friends. Fucking double standards, man.”  
Frank laughed. “Agreed. Anyway, I can’t believe you’re going away for three weeks. You’re abandoning me,” he joked, bumping Gerard’s arm.  
“It was going to my uncle and aunt’s for three weeks or camp for the entire summer- I’m taking what I can get. At least I get to see my grandma.”  
“I haven’t seen her in ages. Say hi from me.” Frank stopped. They were outside Gerard’s house. “Well, see you when you get back.” Gerard hugged him, clinging onto the back of his shirt for the extra second he could get away with.  
“Miss you already,” Gerard said in the campest voice he could muster.  
Rolling his eyes, Frank muttered, “Fucking dork. See you.” He grinned at Gerard, before turning away to walk the rest of the way back to his house.  
 _Miss you already._  
It was the Fourth of July. Gerard and his friends were at a fireworks display in the park, waiting for it to start. Josh had walked off to go and talk to some people he recognised from school, leaving Gerard, Frank, Mikey and Brendon to talk. It was one of those conversations about nothing that nobody paid much attention to- Gerard had spent most of it thinking about how good Frank’s new haircut looked on him. It was a faux hawk, black on top with bleached sides. Brendon had told him that it looked ‘very punk’ in a sarcastic voice, prompting Frank to inform him that he had ‘the most basic white boy haircut, so shut the fuck up’.  
Josh returned. “Who was it? Anyone we’re obliged to go and talk to?” Gerard asked.  
“No, it was Tyler. You know, the basketball kid?” Gerard nodded, which was a lie. He still knew about a quarter of the grade. “Yeah. He was with a big group of his friends who aren’t from our school. Oh, and Ryan Ross as well.” Brendon turned bright pink.  
“Brendon, you should go say hi,” Mikey smirked. Brendon punched them in the arm.  
“Fuck off, I’d never,” Brendon replied, flushing.   
Josh laughed at him. “You’ve fallen hard.”  
“What, you only just noticed?”  
The fireworks started. Frank turned away from the conversation to watch and Gerard mirrored him, ignoring the chatter of the people around him. The bright bursts of light against the dark sky were a stark contrast that he already knew he wanted to paint.  
As he stood there, not so much watching the fireworks as he was watching Frank’s face being lit up by them, he thought about what he wanted. Right then, all he wanted was to hold Frank’s hand. That was it. It seemed so simple, but it was impossible. He couldn’t.  
 _Why don’t I?_ he wondered. After their discussion at the start of summer, he could pass it off as being platonic, even though Frank would be able to tell it wasn’t the full truth. It was a stupid idea. But tempting. He hesitated, before reaching out and lacing his fingers between Frank’s.  
Frank didn’t respond for a few moments that felt like an eternity. Then Gerard felt him squeeze his hand. Gerard glanced over to his left, where Frank was standing. Saw him smiling as they stood there. _Fuck. _It would have been easier if Frank had outright rejected him, not… this. Now he had more to think about.  
He looked away and caught Mikey’s eye. They nodded to acknowledge what was going on, raising their eyebrow. Gerard shrugged in response. Mikey probably understood this situation better than he did.  
When they were back at Gerard’s house, he decided he had to do something. He knew Frank wasn’t homophobic from their conversations with Brendon. All he was doing by not coming out to him was a last-ditch attempt at denying his own feelings, which wasn’t working.   
Gerard rolled onto his side. Frank was lying on the floor, checking his phone. “Frankie?”  
“Yeah?” Frank tipped his head back to look at Gerard.  
Gerard sighed. The words seemed to get stuck on his tongue. “I… Frank, I’m gay,” he said at last. Frank dropped his phone on his face. “You fucking idiot.”  
“Oh.” As he sat up, Frank rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand. “So am I,” he added, smiling awkwardly.  
Gerard blinked. That had not been what he had expected. “Yeah?”  
“Yeah. When did you figure it out?”  
“Winter break,” Gerard replied, hoping Frank wouldn’t want more detail. “You?”  
“Sixth grade. You’re the first person I’ve told.”   
“That’s a long time to know and not tell anyone,” Gerard commented. Frank looked away.  
“I guess.” Frank turned away. “Can you turn out the light? I’m tired.”  
Gerard looked at him for a second, nodded and flipped the switch on his bedside lamp. The room fell into near-darkness.__


	15. Loving Someone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got bored on a car journey and made Spotify playlists of the title songs... [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/aestheticryan/playlist/32bC8Giu6DA8XkTsf05g3J?si=7shTmQOIS9aOjYSFK1JrQw) is the one for this fic (I'll keep updating it) and [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/aestheticryan/playlist/1Tj5cx9CTd6cEZ2XBjCdsV?si=XxGihbCIROCT0fP5c44aDQ) is the one for my last multi-chapter fic, Walk This World Alone. Enjoy this chapter...  
> Title song: "Loving Someone", The 1975

_Frank_  
Frank didn’t sleep much that night.  
He spent the whole time staring at the ceiling until his eyes burned, trying to work out what the fuck had happened that evening. Gerard had held his hand and then come out to him. What did it mean? There was a part of him that wanted to believe that his feelings towards Gerard were reciprocated. Maybe. But then he’d think, _there’s no way that would happen_ , and his thoughts chased round his head in circles until about three a.m. when he fell asleep on his arm, which was dead when he woke up.  
He’d thought that when he got back home he would be able to clear his head and work through this rationally. Instead, he got stuck in the same loop as he had last night. _Great._ After a whole day of this, he picked up his phone and texted Gerard. _When are you next free?_  
Gerard: _Day after tomorrow I think. Want to come over?_  
Frank: _Sure._  
He let out the breath he’d been holding. It wasn’t like he was going to do anything. He just had to see Gerard again.  
***  
Today for Frank had so far been filled with Frank stressing about seeing Gerard. Which wasn’t unusual, but it seemed more real to him this time. As ever, he made a conscious attempt to not spend ages picking clothes or trying to get his hair to sit right- Gerard had seen him when he’d had the flu, it wasn’t worth caring any more.  
Half way to Gerard’s house, it started to rain. He hadn’t been expecting it- it was the middle of summer- so he didn’t have a jacket, deciding to run the rest of the way to Gerard’s rather than going back home. When he arrived, he pounded on the door. Gerard answered, opening the door a crack.  
“Is it raining?” he asked innocently, as Frank shoved his way in, muttering ‘asshole’ as he passed. Gerard smiled at him and Frank felt himself blush.  
In Gerard’s room, Frank took off his soaking wet sweater. He had been wearing too many layers for the heat but had been too stubborn to take anything off. Feeling someone watching him, Frank looked over and saw Gerard turn away, biting his lip. He was confused for a second, before realising that his shirt had ridden up. Confused, he quickly pulled it down.  
Gerard broke the awkward silence. “Is that my sweater?”  
“It’s mine now.”  
“Back in my house, I claim it back.” Gerard picked it up and draped it over the back of his desk.  
Frank and he sat down on his bed. Neither of them moved to hold hands again, instead talking about whatever crossed their minds. It had been a while since they had properly talked, and Frank had missed it. When silence fell again, the part of Frank that wanted to act on his feelings was there as ever. But he made the rash decision to do something about it.  
Frank took a deep breath. “Gerard.”  
“Yeah?”  
He had no idea what he was going to say, opening his mouth not knowing what would come out. “What would you do if I kissed you?” Gerard looked shocked. _Shit I shouldn’t have done that I fucked up-_  
“I’d kiss you back.”  
It took Frank a few moments to process what Gerard had just said. His heart was hammering. Moving a little closer to him, Frank slid his hand under Gerard’s jaw. Their mouths were inches apart now. Frank could feel Gerard’s warm breath on his face. He couldn’t remember ever being this close to him before. His hazel eyes were even more captivating up close.  
“Can I?” Frank let his eyes wander down to Gerard’s lips.  
“Please,” Gerard whispered, and Frank didn’t hesitate another second before leaning in and kissing him.  
Instantly, Gerard kissed him back. His lips were soft, and he kissed Frank gently, moving one hand to the back of Frank’s head and pulling him closer. At first, it was tentative, both scared to ruin the moment. But then Gerard ran his tongue along Frank’s bottom lip and Frank forgot how to breathe or think or do anything that wasn’t _this_.  
He tasted of coffee.  
When they pulled apart, there was silence for a few seconds. Frank tried to calm his breathing. Gerard’s hair was mussed up, his lips pinker than usual, and Frank was only just starting to process that he had done that. Kissed him.  
“Well,” Gerard said.  
“Yeah,” Frank agreed. Gerard giggled and the tension broke, both of them relaxing. The space between them now seemed like too much. Frank reached out, brushing the back of Gerard’s hand with his own. Gerard turned his hand over so Frank could take it.  
“You want to go downstairs?” Gerard asked.  
“Sure.”  
Gerard stood, tugging Frank after him. As they walked across the hall and down the stairs, Frank thought that even though he’d been here hundreds of times, it looked different somehow. After what had happened.  
Downstairs, Frank sat next to Gerard on the couch, but left a gap between their bodies. He didn’t know what he was meant to do in this situation. Acting on attraction was new to him, especially after almost four years of knowing that he liked Gerard.  
“You can sit closer, I don’t bite. Much,” he joked. Frank rolled his eyes and shuffled closer, resting his head on Gerard’s chest. Gerard picked up the TV remote and started flipping through channels.  
“What are we?” Frank asked suddenly.  
“Hmm?” Gerard paused his channel surfing to look over at Frank.  
Frank felt like he’d made a mistake. “Never mind.”  
“Tell me,” insisted Gerard. “Do you mean like whether we’re… together?”  
Frank nodded once. Then he added, “Like boyfriends?” His voice went up at the end from nervousness.  
Gerard hesitated. “That’s a good word for it, yeah,” he decided.  
Frank felt like he was flying.


	16. In Your City Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter seems to have end-of-the-story vibes to me... no idea why, we've got a few chapters to go yet :) I like the general aesthetic of these scenes, I want to do this one day.  
> Title song: "Burn Bright", My Chemical Romance

_Frank_

That summer was the best of his life from that day on. Frank spent the whole time feeling light, happy- and still sometimes unable to believe that this was real. He’d had dreams like this before.  
One thing he hadn’t realised was how much it would be to get used to. After being friends for almost eleven years, the dynamics of being in a relationship were a big shift. It was odd for both of them, but more so for Frank, because he’d been actively avoiding acting on his feelings for so much longer. Only when it had been a few weeks did Frank get used to the fact that he could sit closer to Gerard, kiss him, tell him all the things he’d thought for all these years. But every moment of confusion and awkward kisses and accidentally sitting too far away was worth it for _this_.  
_This_ was shown well by what they were doing then. Gerard had told his mom he was staying at Frank’s and Frank’s parents were under the impression that they were asleep. In reality, they were waiting for the next train to the other side of the city to watch the sun rise over Manhattan.  
“We could get in so much shit for this if we get caught,” Frank commented. Gerard shrugged.  
“You don’t care, though, do you?”  
Frank smiled. “No. This will be worth it.” He rested his head on Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard took his hand and started stroking the back of it with his thumb. “When’s the train coming?”  
“Like, now. Do you reckon there’ll be a Starbucks open?”  
Frank giggled. “No, dumbass.” Gerard fake-pouted and Frank stood up on his toes to kiss him as the train pulled up.  
While they were taking their seats, Gerard told him, “My mom knows about us.”  
Frank hesitated. “Oh.”  
“I didn’t tell her, she figured it out herself. She came and asked me yesterday. She figured out that things had changed, you know?”  
“Does she mind?” Frank asked. Gerard shook his head.  
“I think she’s freaking out more than she’s letting on, but she’s doing her best.” Gerard went silent and stared out the window. They didn’t speak for the rest of the journey, watching the flashes of light from street lamps and 24-hour stores. The bus was empty and didn’t stop until they got off.  
It was the city version of silent- there was a hum of traffic from somewhere, a man who looked like he’d been working a night shift walking on the other side of the street talking into his phone. They walked down the streets together, stepping from pools of light into shadow until they reached the walkway along the Hudson River, where the benches were. Now it was quarter past six, the horizon was starting to glow from the rising sun, the clouds turning pink. Frank was tired, so closed his eyes. “Don’t fall asleep,” Gerard murmured, squeezing his hand. Rubbing his eyes, Frank sat up a little. “I’ve been thinking-” Gerard stopped, seeing the expression on Frank’s face. “Relax, it’s nothing bad. About when we go back to school, what we’re going to do about… being a couple or whatever openly.”  
“What do you want to do?” Frank felt fully awake now.  
“I don’t mind. If you don’t care either, then we may as well say ‘fuck it’ and let people find out. If you do- we won’t. Your call, sweetheart.”  
Frank bit the side of his thumbnail. “It feels like a big deal to me. I guess it’s because I’ve been hiding this part of myself for so long, but I wouldn’t want to tell people as soon as we get back. Obviously, we’d have to at some point. I want a bit of time, if you get what I’m trying to say.” _You’re good at understanding what I mean when I don’t._  
“I get you. And we can do that.”  
He smiled at Gerard. “Thanks. Hey, Gee, look at the sky,” Frank said, diverting the conversation. The sunrise was beautiful, the silhouette of the city in front of them lit up by the oranges and reds, with rays of sunlight appearing from around the edges of skyscrapers, the sparkle of the light on the water. Watching the colours change, Frank felt his mind clear.  
“And you somehow still outshine the sun,” Frank told Gerard, watching that perfect smile of his appear on his face and leaning in to press their lips together.  
“I love you,” Frank managed, feeling his heart beat faster like it did every time.  
“I love you too.” Gerard kissed him again. “We should leave soon,” Gerard said, pulling away, pushing Frank’s hair away from his face.  
“Five more minutes?”  
Gerard hummed in agreement, pulling Frank closer. They watched New York wake up.


	17. I've Been Thinking Lots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness of this- I have no idea how regular updates will be this month, I've already been to two concerts (Waterparks and As It Is) and have two more coming up (All Time Low and Fall Out Boy). (if you want photos from these my instagram is [hazedcalm](https://www.instagram.com/hazedcalm/))  
> Title song: "Talk!", The 1975

_Gerard_

“I don’t want to be going back already,” Frank complained, dropping Gerard’s hand as they approached school. _That’s the last of that for today,_ Gerard thought, trying not to let his disappointment show. He didn’t blame Frank for not wanting to be out at school, it would just be… difficult. Difficult to not kiss him or touch him or look at him the way he’d been able to over summer. The fact that it was all for a shitty building full of shitty people (although he’d never say that to anyone’s face) made it worse.  
Frank wasn’t in his homeroom or biology class, so Gerard spent the time staring at the ceiling and doodling characters from Doom Patrol in the back of his notebook. Occasionally, he stopped to copy the notes of Patrick, who he hadn’t talked to in years but was too polite to tell Gerard to _fuck off and make his own notes._  
When the torture of pretending to understand a ton of diagrams about something to do with cells was over- advanced class was a mistake- he almost ran to music so that he could sit next to Frank.  
“How was science?” Frank asked.  
“Awful. Your French class?”  
Frank hesitated before replying in sign. _Not the sort I enjoy._ Laughing, Gerard hit him.  
The teacher, Miss Pryce, started talking about baroque and handed out copies of a piece to play. Gerard went and sat at the upright piano, rather than one of the keyboards at the edge of the room. Playing piano, along with art, was one of the few things that he was confident with.  
“You reckon she’d let me play it on guitar?” Frank asked.  
“The chords are super easy, you can do them on piano.”  
“I haven’t played since elementary school,” Frank grumbled. Gerard patted the bench next to him and Frank sat down next to him. He was conscious of how close they were together.  
Holding Frank’s wrist, Gerard moved his hand over the keys. “So C is C, E and G…”  
“I remember that.” Frank met his eyes and all Gerard wanted to do was kiss him, but they were in the middle of class, where they were the only two people who knew how much had changed.  
***  
At lunch, Mikey came and stood by the table with their tray. “Can I sit?”  
“’Course,” Gerard replied. “You think we’d say no?”  
“I thought you were too cool for me now.”  
Gerard rolled his eyes. As Mikey sat down, Josh said, “If we were going to raise that point, we would have done it in middle school.” Gerard shot him a look and Josh held up his hands. “Hey, they know I’m kidding.”  
“No, I know you’re right. Good point, well made.” Mikey sat down and started poking at their food with their fork.  
“How’s big school?” Frank asked in a purposely patronising tone.  
“Shitty. My English teacher has ruined my favorite subject for me.” Brendon started to interrogate Mikey about which teachers they had, pulling faces at the appropriate moments.  
The only interesting thing that had happened all day was him and Brendon being in the same art class as Ryan Ross, which gave him something to tease Brendon about for the last part of the day. That lesson, the task was to try and draw an eye without using a photo reference. It wasn’t until Gerard had finished that he realized he’d drawn Frank’s. Sighing a little, he changed a few small details so that nobody would notice. Frank was always on his mind.  
The end of the day couldn’t come soon enough for Gerard. He’d forgotten how exhausting it was at school, doing work all day and trying to act extroverted as an introvert. Frank was standing next to his locker, jacket draped over his arm. “Hey.”  
“Hi.”  
They walked out together in near silence, with only the occasional comment about new teachers from either of them. But was soon as they were away from school, Gerard saw Frank relax. He took Gerard’s hand, which surprised him. “That was-“ Frank hesitated. “It was harder than I thought, trying to act normal.” Gerard nodded in agreement, squeezing his hand. He couldn’t help looking around them, watching for anyone from school before he stopped. Frank looked over at him.  
Pushing his hair away from his face, Gerard leaned in and kissed him gently. Frank still blushed whenever they kissed, he noticed when he pulled away. “I’m going to be completely honest- I’ve wanted to do that all day.”


	18. Originality’s a Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As predicted, this chapter is very late- my life has been a bit of a mess recently.   
> Title song: “I’m a Natural Blue”, Waterparks

_Frank_  
“Happy birthday!” Gerard said, opening the door and immediately pulling Frank into a hug. Frank pulled away a little so that he could kiss him.  
Yesterday, they had gone out to dinner as an early celebration. It had been their first proper date since the semester had begun. Frank had forgotten how much he had missed it- flirting and holding hands across the table and walking down the darkened streets together, stopping so Frank could take photos and to share kisses.  
Gerard pulled Frank upstairs by his wrist, where they sat down on his bed, Frank almost collapsing on top of him. Gerard laughed, taking Frank’s face in his hands and pulling him into his mouth. They lost track of time together, the sunlight creeping across the walls. It still felt like too soon when they separated, still holding each other close for a while. Eventually, Gerard moved away. “I’ll get your presents.” Frank sat up and tried to flatten his hair while Gerard rummaged in the back of his closet. He returned with a wrapped package and something else that he held behind his back. When he sat down, he handed Frank the first item. “This is so you shut the fuck up about being cold all the time.”  
Frank opened it, smiling as he pulled the sweater free of the paper. “Thanks, Gee, it’s great.”  
“A skeleton is appropriate for your birthday, right?”  
“Yeah.” He put it on over the top of the sweater he was already wearing, Gerard’s expression resembling mild disgust.  
“You’re going to boil.”  
“It’s fucking freezing, in case you didn’t notice,” Frank retorted. “Hey, don’t laugh at me.” He pushed Gerard’s arm.  
“Sure, sure, okay.” Gerard moved his other arm out from behind his back. The thing he’d been hiding seemed like a magazine. “This isn’t a proper present, but I spent ages on this and… well, I decided to give you a copy.” Gerard ducked his head, his hair falling in his eyes. For the first time in ages, his cheeks were flushed pink.  
Frank turned it over. On the front, there was a drawing of a skeleton in black-and-white marching band costume with the title “The Black Parade” in spiky lettering. A comic? “Can I read it now?” Frank asked. Gerard considered it before nodding and picking up a book from his side table.  
Frank found himself getting lost in the story from the first page. The comic followed the story of a man referred to only as ‘the patient’ and his death in hospital. He had to find a happy memory to get into the afterlife but could only remember bad events from his past. After meeting some of the other characters, he remembers going to see a parade with his father as a child. The memory is so old that it’s in black and white, but he still follows the parade all the way to the gates of the afterlife.  
The story ended there. Frank looked up at Gerard, who it appeared had been watching him read. “Do you like it?”  
“It’s fucking amazing. How long did this take?”  
“I started planning the first ideas last year… you know, when I couldn’t really go out much.” Gerard shrugged. “I’m proud of it, I guess.”  
“You should be. You’re so good at art.” Frank leaned across the bed to kiss his cheek. “Are we still following the yearly tradition of watching horror movies.”  
“If you don’t mind it. I let Mikey pick this time. One good, one trashy one to laugh at, as ever.” Frank nodded his approval. They went downstairs to where Mikey was lying across the entire couch. “Move, fuckhead,” Gerard told them. They gave him the finger but pulled their legs up to their chest so that Gerard and Frank could sit down.  
For the whole evening, they had to keep pausing the movies to get up and hand out candy to little kids. Frank didn’t mind, though- children were sweet, in an annoying sort of way. It was so much better than last year for so many reasons. Or better than _any_ other birthday, for that matter. _Because of this,_ he thought, leaning into Gerard’s side and feeling his boyfriend’s arm pulling him a little closer. _Happy sixteenth,_ he thought to himself.


	19. Do You Wanna Dance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't tell by how often their songs appear in chapter titles, I listen to The 1975 while I write to focus. That's all I have to say this time I guess  
> Title song: "You", The 1975

_Frank_  
On Monday, all anyone would talk about was the winter dance. It was a stupid concept- to Frank, all school dances were- and it started to become annoying after the first five minutes of the day.  
The concept of being the sort of person who was asked to dance still seemed alien to him, even though he hadn’t been considered a ‘loser’ since elementary school. It felt even stranger now that he had a boyfriend. Despite the fact that nobody knew, he had to stop himself from acting defensive when anyone asked Gerard out. Like now. The girl was leaning over from her lunch table, asking Gerard about his plans for that night.  
“Busy, sorry,” he told her. She sighed, gathering the remnants of her lunch together and standing up to leave.  
Frank watched her go, feeling the jealousy in the pit of his stomach. He wished that this didn’t happen. _It wouldn’t if you were out._ That was the moment that he realised that for him, the positives of staying closeted were outweighed by the negatives. Maybe it hadn’t been that way at the start of the semester, but it was now.  
He tapped Gerard’s arm and signed, _We could go together._ Gerard frowned, hesitating, and Frank wondered if he’d gone too far, if Gerard had now decided that he would mind telling people about their relationship after all.  
But then he smiled. _You sure?_ Frank nodded. Gerard shrugged. “Sure, why not?”  
From the other side of the table, Brendon commented, “I fucking hate it when you guys do that, you know. I don’t know what’s going on.”  
“That’s kind of the point, dumbass,” Gerard told him.  
“They’re being gay, you aren’t missing out on much.” Mikey looked over to Gerard and Frank. “Just tell them, you’ll have to at some point.”  
“We’re going to the winter dance together.” Frank couldn’t hold back his smile as he said it.  
Brendon awwed. “You guys have been dating for what, almost four months now?”  
Gerard nodded. “Since July seventh, yeah.”  
“Not counting the Fourth of July thing, then?” Mikey asked. Gerard shook his head.  
“Wait, what Fourth of July thing?” Josh looked confused. Mikey laughed and started telling Josh how _fucking unobservant_ he was.   
Gerard nudged Frank’s arm. “I know I say this a lot, but I’m glad Mikey’s in high school now. I missed all this bullshit last year.”  
***  
Frank spent the rest of the day becoming more and more nervous about the prospect of telling someone who didn’t already know about him and Gerard that they were going to the dance together. He knew he was building it up too much in his mind- they lived in a quite liberal area, so he doubted anyone would care much. It was more the worry that people would call him out on having lied about this part of himself for so long.   
After his eighth-period class (photography), Frank was standing next to Gerard’s locker, waiting for him to retrieve everything he needed for the weekend when Katie walked up to them. They vaguely knew each other from French class, having spoken a few times that year. She was nice enough- not from the crowd Frank associated himself with, but still someone he liked talking to. “Hey,” Frank said. There was a loud clattering noise as Gerard dropped his books and dropped to the floor to pick them up.  
“Hey.” She hesitated, biting on her thumbnail. “Listen, are you, uh… do you have a date for the dance yet?”  
Frank’s mouth felt dry when he replied, “Yes.”  
“Sorry, I didn’t realise-“  
Frank smiled, trying to ignore the anxiety he could feel building up. “We hadn’t really mentioned it to anyone yet, it’s fine.”  
“Who is it? If you don’t mind me asking,” Katie added.  
“Gerard.”  
“I’m ready, we can go, I just dropped all my shit before.” That broke the tension and Frank smiled, dropping his shoulders that he hadn’t realised he’d been bracing.  
“I was talking about you, not to you, but rad.”  
“Oh, right.” Gerard noticed Katie, standing in front of them with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Hi.”  
She gestured at them. “Are you guys together, then?” It surprised him how blunt she was.   
Seeing that Frank seemed to be unable to speak, Gerard stepped in. “Yeah, we are.” He was standing closer to Frank now, an almost protective gesture.  
“That’s cool. Okay. Well I’ll see you around.” She nodded, turning to walk down the now half-empty hallway. Frank watched her go.


	20. Don't Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to get back to my usual upload schedule! I haven't been sleeping that great, so I think this chapter is kinda disjointed... idk. Also, I went to see Love, Simon yesterday and it was so good (Love Me being on the soundtrack was a highlight)  
> Title song: "Miss Missing You", Fall Out Boy

_Gerard_  
"Okay, well, guess that's done," Frank observed, letting out a shaky breath.  
Gerard nodded. "And she's friends with Melanie, so she'll tell her, and Melanie will tell everyone else. Doing our work for us." He laughed. That seemed to break the tension. Frank's shoulders relaxed and he laughed as well, gesturing for Gerard to start walking.  
Gerard felt a sort of relief- it was done, he could pretend that nothing had happened until Monday if he didn't check his texts. He wondered if people would look at him differently now. As they made their way down the path from the school building to the street, he felt Frank's hand brush his. Without thinking, he took it, lacing their fingers together like he always did. Frank glanced over, frowning, and Gerard remembered where they were. He was about to apologise and let go when Frank smiled and squeezed his hand. Squeezing back, Gerard could feel the curious eyes of other students on him, watching from the waiting buses.  
They kept walking.  
***  
"You're stressing," Gerard pointed out. It was Sunday, and they had been 'revising for a algebra test for two hours'- in reality, about half of that time had been spent on some very non-math-related things, but it was the thought that counted.   
Frank moved away from him. Gerard felt the absence of his body heat as soon as he did. "I'm fine. Just tired."  
"What's it that's keeping you up at night, then?" Gerard reached over and started to play with Frank's hair to calm him.  
"Okay, you got me." Frank sighed. "I don't know how our school feels towards gay people, and I've been hiding this for so long, and now _everyone's_ found out, and I haven't turned my phone on all weekend, and… yeah," he said, his speech increasing in speed as he talked.  
"I hate to point it out, but it's a bit late now," Gerard told him. Frank nodded.  
"Yeah, I'm just gonna face up to it. And it'll be for the best. I do want everyone to know about us. I love you a lot, okay? It'll be nice not having to pretend like I don't."  
"Love you too. Now, that revision-" Frank hit him on the arm.  
"Fuck right off, I don’t give a shit about my grades." They both knew this was a lie, or Frank wouldn't have enrolled on the honours course with Gerard. But, as Frank pointed out, they could cram revise at lunch before. So Gerard leaned over and kissed him, pulling Frank closer by the back of his neck. Frank gasped a little and Gerard felt him holding onto the back of his shirt. _I love loving you,_ Gerard thought.  
***  
On Monday, Frank seemed to have stopped worrying about how everyone would react when they got into school. This was partially down to Mikey, who had been telling the story of a ridiculous dream they had last night which somehow incorporated an exploding McDonalds, a Green Day concert and someone called Ray from his English class into the same plotline.   
As they walked up to school, Gerard couldn’t help gripping Frank's hand a little tighter. He had a weird sensation of being inside a bubble- the freshmen stood on the sidewalk outside the building staring at them with blatant curiosity didn't seem part of the same world he was in.   
"Alright, see you guys," Mikey said once they were in the hall, walking away in the direction of their homeroom.   
"Fags," Gerard heard from somewhere behind him. He was about to turn around to confront whoever it was when Frank shook his head. _Not worth it._   
In homeroom, Gerard was waiting for the inevitable question, which ended up coming from Tyler Joseph.  
"Gerard," He said, leaning over the back of his chair, "is it true about you and Frank being, you know, a couple or whatever?"  
"Yeah. He's my boyfriend," Gerard replied, unable to stop himself from smiling. _Boyfriend._  
"Cool," Tyler said. Then, after a pause, "Damn, now I owe Ryan five dollars. He bet me you'd get together before the end of this year." Gerard hadn't been expecting that.  
Tyler's question seemed to trigger everybody else asking him questions for the rest of homeroom. By the time the bell went for the start of first period, Gerard couldn't leave the classroom fast enough. He wasn't expecting biology to be much better with the lack of control their teacher seemed to have on the class. Sure enough, about five minutes after Dr. Miller had started talking, Patrick tapped him on the arm. "Gerard?" Out of all the people in the class, Gerard had hoped that Patrick's intense shyness would keep him from asking a painfully obvious/stupid question. Unfortunately, it looked like that wasn't going to be the case.  
"Are you playing in the recital next week?" Patrick was taking notes at the same time as he talked. _Oh._ Gerard felt a little bad for assuming the worst of the situation, and talked about the pieces he was (still) trying to decide between with Patrick until they were set work to do. He could feel the 'bubble' feeling disappearing, and the day began to seem more normal. He stared at the blank page in his notebook and the textbook page and realised he had no idea what had happened all lesson. Fuck.


	21. Darken Your Clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I have two (??) chapters left to do of this before The Sequel™, which I'm super excited to write!  
> Title song: "Teenagers", My Chemical Romance

_Gerard_  
Gerard was standing in front of the mirror in front of the stairs, staring at himself. He hadn't worn a suit since last year's winter dance, so he'd had to get a new one. The bright red tie stood out against the black shirt. His mom had raised an eyebrow when she'd seen it, but had said nothing.  
Now Mikey peered from around his doorframe. "Why are you wearing a black shirt to a school dance? You look like you're going to a funeral," they told him.  
"It'll be yours if you don't shut the fuck up," Gerard joked. His sibling rolled their eyes before retreating back inside their messy bedroom. Gerard adjusted his tie one more time before turning around and walking back downstairs. As he reached the bottom of the stairs, the doorbell chimed. It was Frank, smiling awkwardly and holding flowers.  
"Hi. I know we're not taking this that seriously or anything but, uh, yeah. Flowers."  
Gerard kissed him. "Thanks. I'll go put these in some water or something…" Gerard turned around and almost walked into his mom.   
"I'll take those in a minute. Photo first, though," she added, nudging Gerard backwards. Complaining under his breath, Gerard moved back to the doorway, still holding the flowers. He put his arm around Frank's shoulders, pulling him closer. He could see his mom grinning as she took the picture. It made him happy to see how she'd gone from trying to conceal her conflict about his sexuality to this level of acceptance. "Have fun!" Gerard's mom called down the front yard as they walked off, having given her the flowers.  
The ten-minute walk to school was more relaxed than he'd expected. Probably being out at school for well over a month had made it seem a lot easier. Once they reached the school gym, which was the 'dance hall' for the night, Gerard felt a small spike of anxiety. He turned to Frank to distract himself. "How many shitty songs in a row are we going to endure before we leave? Five?"  
"What, so we're leaving after five songs?" Their conversation stayed in a similar vein as they walked inside and found Brendon and Josh leaning against the far wall. Josh got grabbed in the first song by a large group, while Brendon stayed with Gerard and Frank, talking, all of them too awkward to join them dancing. When the first song came on, Brendon went off to find a partner, leaving Gerard and Frank alone.  
Frank offered Gerard his hand. "Do you want to?"  
Gerard nodded. "Absolutely."  
They walked out onto the dance floor together, arms around each other's waists. People were staring, like they'd thought it was some elaborate joke up until this point. Gerard rested his hands on Frank's waist, Frank's arms around his neck. Their bodies were close enough together that Gerard could feel Frank's body heat. Feel his breaths against his neck. As they swayed in time to the music, Frank murmured, "I can feel them looking."  
"It's human nature, sweetheart. And besides, most people aren't." That was true. The majority of people were either dancing with their own partner, too lost in the moment to care, or standing at the side talking. A few pairs of eyes watched them, but overall they were being treated like a straight couple. Like they were _normal._ Part of Gerard told him not to push it. Maybe the only reason he didn't face worse than being yelled at in the halls was because they hadn't done more than hold hands at school. It was too tempting, though.  
"If I kiss you at the end of this song, is that okay?" Gerard whispered, his mouth less than an inch from the side of Frank's face.  
"That's fine." Gerard felt Frank lean a little more into his chest. There was no space between them now and it was hard for Gerard to focus on the small steps they were taking together. Funny how he'd assumed that feelings like this- the electricity from Frank's touch, the butterflies from his smile- would all go after they'd been dating for a while. Instead, the feelings had stayed- the difference now was that those feelings made him happy. _He feels like this too._ It was with that thought looping around his mind like having a song stuck in his head that Gerard tilted Frank's chin up at the end of the song and met his lips. It was a quick kiss, the same way he'd kissed his sixth grade girlfriend. But it still made his head spin.  
They pulled apart and walked back to the edge of the hall, where Josh was standing. "God, that was so _gay_ ," he said, laughing.


	22. In Winter's Weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The penultimate chapter!! The mess is almost over!!  
> Title song: "Winter's Weather", As It Is

_Frank_  
Frank awoke to bright light coming in through open blinds, reflecting on white walls that weren't his. He was staying at Gerard's from the night before, he remembered, after the dance. Unlike last night, though, Gerard wasn't curled against him and Frank stretched out his arm, not wanting to open his eyes.  
"I was about to wake you up, your coffee's going to get cold."  
Frank sighed, rolling over. Gerard was sitting at his desk by the window, hunched over one of his sketchbooks. There were pencils scattered all over the desk and one tucked behind Gerard's ear. Pushing himself into a sitting position, Frank rubbed his eyes.  
"You? Not acting like a pissy bitch before ten in the morning? This is new," he remarked. Gerard threw one of the pencils at him.   
"I wanted to do some drawing." Art would motivate Gerard to do anything, Frank knew that. He took the mug of coffee Gerard had made him from the side table and sipped it.   
Gerard pushed his chair round to face him, picking up his sketchbook. "Can you hold that pose?"   
"Sure." Obligingly, Frank froze in position.   
Gerard made a few marks on the paper before saying, "You can keep drinking until I'm drawing your hands, I'm not that mean." Frank mumbled something about how he was surprised by that, which he assumed Gerard caught the general gist of by his laughter. They sat in their comfortable silence for a while, which was only broken by Gerard's occasional comment about how he wanted Frank to relax his shoulders or move his hands. Frank hadn't sat for Gerard since that time back in freshman year. The time he'd thought Gerard was going to kiss him.  
"Gee?" Gerard hummed in response, frowning and erasing part of his sketch. "You know the last time we did this? Back in ninth grade?"  
"Yeah?"  
"This is a stupid question, but…" Frank swallowed. "Were you going to kiss me?" Gerard looked up in surprise, before nodding.  
"I thought I was imagining that- that you wanted me to, which seems dumb now, but then I couldn't believe it."  
Frank finished his coffee. "Sometimes it's weird to think of all the moments we let slip by because neither of us thought the other felt the same," he reflected.  
"And how if you'd asked me out before winter last year, I would have said no, because I didn’t know that I was…" Gerard let the sentence trail off. It was a weird thought to Frank after over five months of being a couple. If he'd been braver, they might not be together, which seemed wrong. But it was true.  
"Okay, that’s as much as I'll do now," Gerard said, gesturing Frank over. On the page as well as the one Gerard had just been doing, there were other pictures. One of Frank sleeping, hugging Gerard's sheets to his chest, and one of the photo Gerard had taken of him last night. His tie was undone, hanging around his neck, the top button of his shirt undone.   
The only thing he could think of to say was, "Is my hair really that messy?"  
"Yes, and it's adorable." Gerard kissed his neck. He wrapped himself around Frank and looked out of the window. "Oh, it's snowing."  
"For fuck's sake."  
"Look at it. You can't deny that it's pretty." Frank stared at the falling snow for a while. It _was_ kind of nice.  
"Oh, did someone finally move in opposite?" he asked, noticing the lights on in the house across the street. That house had been empty for over a year now, few people coming to look around  
Gerard nodded. "I haven't seen whoever it is, but there was one of those long distance removals vans outside when I got home from school yesterday."  
Frank was about to reply when Gerard's mom knocked on the door and walked in without waiting for an answer. "Gerard, I'm going to pick up Andrew's family and your grandma from the airport." Gerard groaned. Frank knew that he'd been dreading it for weeks- his uncle Andrew was a devout evangelical preacher, and Gerard found his wife and six-year-old son Seth irritating. "Frank, are you staying to see everyone? Eleanor hasn't seen you in ages."  
When Frank had agreed to stay until Gerard's relatives had turned out and Gerard's mom had walked out, Frank said to him, "Hey, at least you see Eleanor again, right?"  
"I love my grandmother, yeah, and it would balance it all out if Seth wasn't sharing my room," complained Gerard, flopping down onto his bed, pulling Frank by the wrist so he landed on top of him. Frank wasn't protesting.  
Eventually, Gerard's mom arrived back from the airport, shouting, "Come down!"  
Frank hesitated. "So are we going to, you know… be out to them?"  
"I don't see why not. I mean, there's a reasonable chance my uncle is homophobic, but fuck that, right?"  
"It's your family, not mine. I can't say anything, I'm not even out to my parents." Gerard gave his hand a comforting squeeze. They walked out of Gerard's room and down the stairs. Once outside the living room, Gerard glanced over to Frank before pushing open the door.  
It took a few seconds for the relatives to notice and when they did, the room went completely silent.  
After a few seconds, it was broken by Seth asking, "Who's that?"  
"This is Frank, my boyfriend." Frank felt himself blushing, but smiled anyway.  
"Boyfriend?" The man who Frank assumed was Andrew sounded incredulous.  
"Frank, it's been so long since I saw you! It must have been back in middle school. You've grown." Gerard's grandmother leaned forwards from her chair, making the atmosphere of the room feel a lot more welcoming.  
"Has he?" Mikey mumbled. Frank resisted the urge to tell them to fuck off.  
"I just came down to see everyone-" Frank hated his awkwardness "-I'm leaving now." From the way Gerard's uncle was staring at him, he was pretty sure that this was the right move. He turned to Gerard. "See you," he said, trying to read Gerard's body language for how much affection he could show. Gerard gave him a slight nod so Frank stood up on his toes and kissed him on the cheek before walking past him to the door, closing it behind him to the Mikey and Gerard yelling, "Bye!"  
He started to walk down the now snow-covered streets to his house.


	23. So Long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly- I deleted the chapter between Gerard's first drink and The Stuff happening, because for some reason when writing it I changed their schedules from my paracosm, then forgot and changed it back... that chapter was filler anyway, so it made sense to just delete it. Secondly- it's over! After almost six months, I've finished TAMF! Thanks to Eden (@shootingshadow ) for beta reading this mess, and to all my friends (haha) for letting me ramble about this to them. I'm going to take a 2 week break because of exams, then I'll start writing the sequel. If you thought I put my characters through shit in this...  
> Title song: "The Light Behind Your Eyes", My Chemical Romance

_Gerard_  
Winter break passed by in a blur. The most memorable event was Josh's New Year's party, where Gerard was the only person who didn't drink. Even Frank had gotten a little tipsy- he spent the majority of the night using Gerard as a chair, playing with the ends of his hair. As everyone in the room had shouted a countdown to midnight, he felt Frank's hand move to the base of his neck and there was no hesitation any more about public displays of affection. Funny how a year ago, he'd realised that he was in love with Frank, he thought as people shouted 'happy New Year's!' around them, and now here they were, after almost six months of dating, doing what Gerard had tried to hide that he wanted.  
But now it was the first day of the new semester. Gerard tried to hind his disdain of about half of the student body, because that was what you did if you wanted to stay popular. He'd happily slap a lot of the people who talked to him. When he kissed Frank on the cheek before walking into his homeroom class, nobody seemed to care. Since they had come out, Gerard hadn't received anything worse than the occasional shouted insult in the hallways. _I can live with that,_ he reckoned.  
In music class, while pretending to play keyboard with Frank, was where Gerard noticed him first. He didn't have Mikey's incredible perceptiveness, but he paid enough attention to make two observations. One, the boy was new. Two, he didn't seem to be trying to hide away like every other new kid he'd seen. His black hair fell into his eyes, which were lined with smudgy black eyeliner. He was wearing a Metallica sweater and jeans, and was sat on a desk with a bass guitar in his lap. After a few seconds of watching, Gerard could conclude that the way he kept pushing his bangs off his face and tugging on the sleeves of his sweater were nervous tics. As an artist, Gerard always found himself staring at anyone unusual, wondering if he would be able to draw them. He still had a sketchbook where he exclusively drew Frank. As Gerard watched, he leaned forward to talk to Patrick, who was behind the piano, playing at the same time as he nodded along to whatever the boy was saying.  
Patrick was blushing, Gerard noticed. Still, he was shy, so that could explain it, rather than making assumptions about… anything else.  
Gerard felt Frank tap him on the arm. _New kid?_ he signed.  
Gerard nodded. _Don't get many interesting people here._ Frank laughed.  
"I hope I'm included in that," he teased.  
"No, Frankie, you suck," Gerard replied sarcastically, poking him in the ribs. Frank shrieked, causing the teacher to turn around and glare at them, along with multiple students. ""I'm joking, you're very interesting."  
"You're a bitch, I hate you."  
Resting his chin on his palm, Gerard smiled at Frank. "You love me really."  
"Yeah, you caught me." Frank was the colour of a tomato by this point. "Anyway. Piano."  
***  
After lunch, Gerard and Frank went to their English classroom, five minutes before class started. Frank collapsed in his seat, sighing. "Can't it be spring break already?"  
"We haven't even been back for a day yet," Gerard pointed out.  
"And that's enough school for me." Frank rested his chin on the desk. Gerard rolled his eyes at him. Frank reached over to Gerard's desk and took a ballpoint pen from his pencil case. "Thanks, mine ran out." Frank had been doing this since grade school- Gerard was pretty sure he hadn't bought a pen in years.  
"I stole this sweater from you on Friday, so fair enough."  
"How do my clothes even fit you?"  
"It's one of the massive ones you got ages ago in case you grew." Gerard pulled the hood up, despite the fact he'd have to take it off as soon as their teacher walked in. She was obsessive with dress code rules, to the point where she'd sent a girl to the principal for having her collarbone showing last summer.  
Frank sighed. "This isn't fair, you look better in my clothes than I do."  
"I'd have to disagree. Have you seen yourself?" The bell rang and Mrs Jones walked in, as punctual as ever. Gerard pushed the hood down and opened his notebook, ready for whatever bullshit she was going to attempt to teach them today.  
He had art class afterwards. As ever, Gerard sat at the front, talking to Brendon, who took the class to try and raise his GPA. So far, that plan had been of limited success. Mr Taylor sat on the desk to take attendance. Mr Taylor was Gerard's favourite teacher- apart from art being his favourite subject, Mr Taylor didn't seem like he'd given up on life like a lot of the other teachers, which was refreshing.  
"Peter Wentz?"  
"Just Pete. Here, sir." Gerard turned around. It was the new kid, sat between Ryan and Tyler.  
"Okay. Right, class, today we're going to be starting paired projects. I've already chosen the groups," Mr Taylor added over the conversation that had started from his announcement. "Ryan with Ellen, Josh with…" Gerard spaced out until he heard his name. "Gerard with Pete, Brendon with James-"  
"He's not in!" called out a few people from the back.  
"Brendon, you can work with Gerard and Pete. I'll give James something else to do when he comes back, this isn't a very long project. Everyone, go and get into your pairs." The sound of voices all arose at once again. Because him and Brendon were already sat together, Gerard stayed in his seat, waiting for Pete to join them. Sure enough, he walked over and sat on the desk to Gerard's right.  
"Hey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sneaky end note as a reminder that the playlist for this fic on Spotify is [here!](https://open.spotify.com/user/aestheticryan/playlist/32bC8Giu6DA8XkTsf05g3J)  
> The sequel is here! [You Were The First To Listen](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14769756/chapters/34157349)


End file.
